Saturday, August 30, 2008

Who I'm Hatin' On....A Nasty Rant

To no one's surprise, I'm sure: The Great Satan, aka Wal*Mart.

(Warning: this blog entry is profanity-laced & provides clear proof of some really horrific behavior on my part....)

I had a day off this week, so I decided to spend most of it running desperately-needed errands and returning things to various stores. We had purchased some sunscreen in June from The Great Satan (TGS) and I finally came to the grim conclusion I was going to have to go back & return it and once again realizing it is seriously not worth saving a few bucks to have to endure the North Windham TGS or any other for that matter.

So, I sauntered in, fresh from getting a sassy new haircut (which both my hairdresser & I agreed is 'fucking cute') and I'm in a fine mood, it's not packed in there and I head straight for the return counter in the front of the store. As I'm sauntering, I hear ''Lady! LADEE! LADee! LADY!" being shrieked and since everyone is looking at me, I turn around, stalking back to the thickly bespectacled hobbit 'greeter' who was 'greeting' me. I bent down, got in her face (as they say) and said 'Are you yelling at me? WHAT is your problem?!' She says something to me, which I could not understand as she obviously cannot speak English at all.

So, I get the impression that she wants to check my bag - I tell her I'm just returning stuff, so she takes my bag to check it (by now I'm seriously fucking furious), then decides to start chatting with a friend. Oh, I don't think so. I get right in there and say 'Hurry the fuck up- if you're going to waste my time, get a fucking move on!' So, she does whatever it was that needed to be done (scanning the stuff and giving me barcodes- WTF?) and I GRAB the bag from her and snarl 'I wouldn't be such a bitch if I wasn't fucking treated like a fucking criminal the second I walked through these doors!' So, thoroughly irate, I turn my wrath on the woman at the returns counter and asked what that was all about. She said 'we always do that', which is patently untrue as that has never happened to me before the last two times I ever returned anything. So much for consistency. Then when I ask her why this is done, she goes on, (completely freaked out at my hostility - yeah, I'm weird, don't like being treated like shit) about people who walk in and put stuff in bags to try to get money....then she stops. I say 'Oh so you just assume everyone is stealing? Don't you people even fucking know that unless you actually see something stolen it is slander to say someone is a thief? I'm surprised you haven't been sued yet!' Then she decides to tell me the items returned don't match the receipt - yeah RIGHT. She clearly does not get that I'm truly past the point where fucking with me might be a good idea. I fix her with THE STARE & quietly say 'Well why don't you get your manager over here so I can explain what fucking morons the cashiers are- either the moron at the register when I bought these items gave me the wrong receipt or the idiot in front of me can't do her job and read the receipt. So, what's it going to be?'

Yeah, I got my money. And the District Manager got an email. And the Better Business Bureau got a letter. TGS doesn't want to post its policies, then fuck 'em.

I kinda feel badly, but...they get what they deserve if they uphold these totally demeaning, accusatory practices. The people at BJs have endured my wrath for the same reasons as well.

So, Fuck the fuckity fucking fuckers at Wal*Mart!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Junque Recap

Well, the flea market endeavor wasn't something I'd do every week, but it sure was interesting. The two tables I expected someone to nab immediately came home with me. However, pretty much everything else (box o' comix, costume jewelry, various foofy items, crappy books) sold at low, low prices. After about 3 hours, I was making deals left & right. I made some ching, spent some on two pieces of furniture, paid for my half of the space and went home with enough to pay for my fab new haircut & have some leftover. Not too bad, but all in all, it paid less than my day job.
It was kind of interesting to be on the other side of the tables, too- two women bought some of the jewelry and had the air that they just screwed me out of a chunk of change. Yeah- it's crap costume jewelry, ladies, really, it is. I know my cheap jewelry.
The wait in line before being allowed in was an eye-opener: vendors get out of their vehicles & start sniffing around everyone else's junque before we even got in the gates- it completely reminded me of going to a safari where all sorts of dangerous animals are wandering around your car while you're in danger of suffocating because you're not supposed to open the windows more than 1/2 an inch. That's the most dangerous part of those safaris....anyway, no one was mauled, so that was good.
I would consider doing this once a year and best with someone else so you have a diverse amount of stuph for people to look at and some company. I could have made a killing if I had brought the contents of the tiki room, but J10X only found more to add to it....

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Junque...and Stuph

(So, I was going to write a little blog nugget, but I made the mistake of reading everyone else's blogs first. Why do I do this to myself?)

J10X & I have spent the last two weekends Hardcore Thrifting (TM*) - I think I can safely say we now have more Hawaiian action figures than any Coco Joe's outlet in the 1950s. The modus operandi: J10X wakes up & proclaims "We need to go Hardcore Thrifting!" We prepare, hop in the car & start driving. We then stop at an interesting-looking place that is obviously emitting some sort of signal to J10X. J10X sprints into the shop, and before I can even take down that interesting objet from the shelf I just saw, he bounds over with armfuls of stuff he's managed to spot behind 70 shelving units, on the bottom shelf, obscured by broken salt & pepper sets, all concealed under a tarp. Srsly. He has the friggin' eyes of Superman and an eagle combined. He managed to nab a really gorgeous tiki mug pretty much from under the nose of a guy who was looking for one - sweet, sweet victory. One of our more interesting finds is a tin for some sort of sweet or cookie called 'Nukii' - the tin has Bahamian-style dancers on a beach with bamboo-style letters. So, after rearranging the entire AA**, I now have to get more shelving. We're almost a maximum capacity, but then I still see some yellow walls peeking out from behind all the crap, I mean tiki goodness, and that just will not do.

While on the subject of junque, I will be making a rare flea market appearance with my friend Joe Reed in the role of vendor. I will be attempting to cash in on some things I can't give to my friends and they're a little too nice to just give away to Goodwill. I didn't realize how cheap it is to rent space & a table, so hopefully I'll be able to get rid of everything I bring. I seriously weeded my books, some went to the Book Barn so I could to buy more books.....and hopefully the rest will sell on Sunday.

And on to stuph: while Hardcore Thrifting (TM) on Sunday, we ended up in Mystic, Land of Too Many Tourists in the Summer. I spotted a restaurant that was highly recommended by a coworker called 'Rice, Spice & Noodles.' So, famished, we headed in & were the only people there - the last table of people had just left. I was delighted to see it was Thai food, and some funky takes on Thai food. They also have excellent beers. An extremely young lad came over to take our order, then we experienced the other waiter coming over about 4 times in a row, asking us to repeat our beer order (Maudite for me, natch, & the lovely Innis & Guinn for J10x.) Apparently, the other waiter was too young to serve us. So, we get our bottles of beer & glasses, and the waiter didn't realize they weren't twist off beers, so we had to call him back over again. We placed our order (which I cannot remember), and our delightful appetizer came out, hot 'n' fresh. Our meals were very tasty, too.
However, two things occurred that will ensure we never, ever go back: our silverware was not overly sanitary looking (we used the hygienic chopsticks) and the table being bussed behind us had its water carafe refilled by the very young waiter from a partially consumed glass of water left by the last patrons. Lovely.

*Trademark, 2008, the joey Zone
** As we all know, the best DAMN tiki bar in CT

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Olympic Fever - Let's Hear it for the Women!

Whatever will I blog about when this week is over? The Team USA women are winning medals left and right! Shawn Johnson & Nastia Liukin, who won gold and silver for all-around gymnastics, won gold and silver in more gymnastics- balance beam & uneven bars. Stephanie Tranton Brown won the gold for discus throw, first American women to do that since 1932! Mariel Zagunis got the gold for Fencing, Anna Tunnicliffe for sailing, Dawn Harper for hurdles....the list goes on. Not to mention all the silver & bronze medals, too. The media seems to think it's all about the gold medals, but when you think about it, there's only 3 medals given out for any event, so even bronze is fabulous!
Women's beach volleyball finals is tonight, so I'll be keeping tabs on that!

I believe the men are getting some medals here & there, too.

And all the athletes are so very gracious, sweet and intelligent when being interviewed - as well as having whole heads full of incredibly unrealistically white teeth! Chiclet heads!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Olympic Fever!

Yup, I have it! Lots of it! As in sacrificing precious sleep to see gold medals being won! And I'm actually learning some trivia, too- I had no idea that Mary Lou Retton was the first US woman ever to win a gold medal for gymnastics in 1984...and Team USA won the gold AND silver medals for this yesterday! Whoo-hoo! And Michael Phelps won a sixth gold medal for swimming - he's competing for his 7th tonight,which will tie him with Mark Spitz - who is still H-O-T, ladies!

Whatever channel I was watching last night 'deconstructed' Michael Phelps' body, and I had no idea his particular physique was an important factor of his amazing feats: he's 6'4", has a 'wingspan' of 6'7", legs proportionate to a man of 6', torso appropriate for his height, huge feet (size 14) and 'dinner plate' sized hands. And no butt. And a really, really pointy head. I'm not sure I needed to know all this, but there you go - sharing the wealth.

A woman from RI, Rebecca Soni, won a gold medal for some amazing swimming, too. I have to say I really enjoy watching the women's teams much more than the men's. Our volleyball team kicked the Belgians' substantial butts last night, too. I'm not a sports nut by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm really digging the Olympics this year.

As of this morning, we had more gold medals than any other country! China was in the lead yesterday, so it's really neck to neck....go Team USA!

(Oh, and Wendy? The US Women's Volleyball Team's coach's in-laws were attacked at the Olympics - different than the Chinese national stabbing & ingesting that dude on the bus in Canada. Thought you'd like to know...)

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Olympian Feats

Did anyone else see the Olympics opening ceremonies? I did! I have never really been interested in sports, much less the Olympics, but since it's a big deal that it's in China, I wanted to watch the ceremonies. They were simply amazing. All of it was overwhelming on the telly, so I can't even imagine what it must have been like in person. Watch clips if you can find 'em! However, the marching in of the athletes is really, really, really booooring. As in fell-asleep-for-two-hours-boring.

Saturday morning brought another Olympian activity into the house: the Three-Story-Rusted-Stove-Removal-And-Replacement-Relay. We won the gold, natch.

Saturday night brought a few people into the AA* - Miss Wendy fortunately showed up to save my bacon so I didn't have to endure the Extreme Macho-ism that was present all by myself. Thanks, Wendy- you were gloriously Patsyesque! We also formed yet another club: the Half-Heard, Half-Remembered News Club. This club consists of telling each other, in the vaguest terms possible, newsworthy events we sort of heard about during the week. It's almost as good as the Book Club of Never-Read, Never Discussed Literature By Members of The Book Club.

But I think the best part of the WHOLE evening was skunking Miss Wendy at cribbage. Nyah.

Stay tuned- I should have some more incredibly boring posts soon!

*Best DAMN tiki bar in CT

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

A Bat's Beastly Blessing...

Last night, the Aloha Alcohula*, Mark II, was blessed by the presence of a wee brown bat flitting about. It landed in the netting between a coconut minkey and a large wooden mask. After I called the Boojums, my panic-stricken voice asking for some advice, Volcano Bern stepped in to solve the dilemma. As always, VB has a gentle hand with the beasties, so he corralled the kitties into the bedroom (this was not as easy as it seems because the insatiably curious Fang was dying to get a closer look), donned some attractive workgloves and gently removed the bat from the netting & set it free. We could hear it chittering away as it seemed to be pretty happy in the AA, as all good folk should be.

Is it just a coincidence that the Bacardi rum label features a bat?

*Best tiki bar in CT